Assalam alaikum warahmatullah
wabarakatuhu
Brothers and sisters in
eeman. May Allah bless us and safeguard us all
Is someone here to respond to
my salam?
Alhamdulillah for yet another
day and as always I am here to humbly share with you some piece of advice.
Which I believe will be of
benefit to me and to you as well as the umma at large
Surely, there is non who deserves any form of
worship from us except Allah and prophet Mohammed is the messenger and slave of
Allah.Our topic for today's discussion as already known is premarital
relationship
Literary premarital
relationship m eans relationship before marriage but in context, it is the
relationship between the opposite sex who are not mahram to each other with the
aim of marrying in future.
In is Islam premarital
relationship is haram, meaning forbidden
And all Muslims is advised to
desist from such behavior
In fact every type of pre
marital relationship is regarded as prohibited hence zina.
This includes talking to ones
future spouse through telephone, Skype or internet chatting. We are all aware
why there is the need to prevent oneself from mingling with the opposite sex
It is a way of guarding one
from falling into temptation of of zina and losing one's chastity
Not only to prevent from the
physical zina and the zina of the part of the body but Al's Allah and his
messenger made it a clear haram
In fact to be in circulation with a non mahram
, the prophet said the third in your mids is the shaitaan
It is not even permissible
for a man who believes in Allaah and His Messenger to put his hand in the hand
of a women who is not permissible for him or who is not one of his mahrams.
Whoever does that has wronged himself (i.e., sinned).
It was narrated that Ma’qil
ibn Yassaar said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be
upon him) said: “For one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron
needle is better for him than that he should touch a woman who is not
permissible for him.”
Narrated by al-Tabaraani in
al-Kabeer , 486.
Shaykh al-Albaani said in
Saheeh al-Jaami’ , 5045, that this hadeeth is saheeh.
This hadeeth alone is
sufficient to deter and to instill the obedience required of us by Allaah,
because it implies that touching women may lead to temptation and immorality.It
was narrated that Ma’qil ibn Yassaar said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace
and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “For
one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle is better for him than
that he should touch a woman who is not permissible for him.”
Narrated by al-Tabaraani in
al-Kabeer , 486.
Shaykh al-Albaani said in
Saheeh al-Jaami’ , 5045, that this hadeeth is saheeh.
This hadeeth alone is
sufficient to deter and to instill the obedience required of us by Allaah,
because it implies that touching women may lead to temptation and immorality.
What we normally use as an
excuse to support our premarital relationship is that we are studying each
other.
A man brought a complain
about his girlfriend to a sheikh and the sheikh ask him that why are you even
dating her for the first place?, and the
man responded I am studying her.
The sheikh said to him
" I have married for 11 yes now and I'm still studying my wife"
You will never be able to
study each other before marriage
The real behavior starts
immediately after marriage
Love before marriage is allowed in Islam but
should follow the right way
Meaning should involve the
families immediately
If we are using the excuses
that we will marry in future therefore we are studying ourselves and are sure
of staying from sex then
We are doing but harm to
ourselves
Mingling with those men who
are non- mahrams , that is, eligible to be married, the risk is always there
that one or the other will become vulnerable and will incline towards the other
outside of the framework of a marital contract.
Think about it. If you have
come of age recently, you know that with the onset of puberty you experienced
distinct and profound changes in your body. Among those changes were an
increased awareness of your own sexuality and the occurrence of ‘wet
dreams,’ or nocturnal emissions.
With hormones raging and very
new and intense feelings of sexual stimulation, sometimes brought on by the
least provocation, it is possible that a young person will become preoccupied
with thinking about sex, even if he or she takes no action to actually attempt
to relieve his or her sexual tension.
The fact of the matter is,
sexual desires become pronounced and you might have experience mixed emotions,
including confusion, guilt, and outright shame.
Our beloved Prophet Muhammad
(peace and blessings be upon him) understood human development well.
In a teaching narrated to us
by `Abdullah ibn Mas`ud, (may Allah be pleased with him)the Prophet admonished
young people thus, “O young men! Whoever among you can marry, should
marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e., his
private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is
not able to marry should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power. ”
(Al-Bukhari)
It is discourage for marriage
to be delayed in Islam
Why then premarital relationship❓
If we are to say the truth,
how many premarital relationship end up in marriage ❓
How many women married their
"first lovers"❓
We date each other and give
them sex, kisses, romances and later you see them crying as if they have
received a slap from a stubborn soldier man saying broken heart
My sister who sent you there?
It is already late so we will
end by saying
There is no room for boy girl
relationship before marriage in islam
Allah states in sura al
maedah;
ﻭَﺍﻟْﻤُﺤْﺼَﻨَﺎﺕُ ﻣِﻦَ ﺍﻟْﻤُﺆْﻣِﻨَﺎﺕِ
ﻭَﺍﻟْﻤُﺤْﺼَﻨَﺎﺕُ ﻣِﻦَ ﺍﻟَّﺬِﻳﻦَ ﺃُﻭﺗُﻮﺍ ﺍﻟْﻜِﺘَﺎﺏَ ﻣِﻦ ﻗَﺒْﻠِﻜُﻢْ
(lawful for you are) the chaste from among the
believing women and the chaste from among those who have been given the
Scripture before you.......
Then Allah stipulates a
condition, a condition that must be fulfilled for women to be lawful for men;
ﺇِﺫَﺍ ﺁﺗَﻴْﺘُﻤُﻮﻫُﻦَّ ﺃُﺟُﻮﺭَﻫُﻦَّ
when you have given them their due(dowry)
👆🏽here Allah
makes it clear that men and women are lawful for one another when the dowry has
been given as agreed by their parents/guardians.
Allah states in sura al
maedah;
ﻭَﺍﻟْﻤُﺤْﺼَﻨَﺎﺕُ ﻣِﻦَ ﺍﻟْﻤُﺆْﻣِﻨَﺎﺕِ
ﻭَﺍﻟْﻤُﺤْﺼَﻨَﺎﺕُ ﻣِﻦَ ﺍﻟَّﺬِﻳﻦَ ﺃُﻭﺗُﻮﺍ ﺍﻟْﻜِﺘَﺎﺏَ ﻣِﻦ ﻗَﺒْﻠِﻜُﻢْ
(lawful for you are) the chaste from among the
believing women and the chaste from among those who have been given the
Scripture before you.......
Then Allah stipulates a
condition, a condition that must be fulfilled for women to be lawful for men;
ﺇِﺫَﺍ ﺁﺗَﻴْﺘُﻤُﻮﻫُﻦَّ ﺃُﺟُﻮﺭَﻫُﻦَّ
when you have given them their due(dowry)
👆🏽here Allah
makes it clear that men and women are lawful for one another when the dowry has
been given as agreed by their parents/guardians.
Allah makes a law, human
beings came with another law that you can be permissible for one another in
boyfriending and girlfriending. So are you insinuating that Allah's law is not
sufficient for you?, that man made laws are better of?, that Allah should hold
his jannah and you will hold up to duniya whilst you are in need of his mercy?.
The verse continues....
ﻣُﺤْﺼِﻨِﻴﻦَ ﻏَﻴْﺮَ ﻣُﺴَﺎﻓِﺤِﻴﻦَ
desiring chastity not illegal inter course
What do you desire in that
relationship?. Do you desire chastity?, for indeed chaste and pure women,
honorable women are not found in such. Allah says concerning slave girls; 👇🏼
ﻓَﺎﻧْﻜِﺤُﻮﻫُﻦَّ ﺑِﺈِﺫْﻥِ ﺃَﻫْﻠِﻬِﻦَّ
so marry them(slave girls) with the permission of
their master
Briefly :
1 ) You meet a brother
/sister through work/school/recommendation/ family .
2 ) Your father picks up the
phone and speaks to the potential ' s family
3 ) They shoot the breeze and
express interest
4 ) Family goes over to the
potentials , exchange pleasantries , get to know each other whilst the brother
and sister nervously exchange awkward questions about their eemaan , values ,
future plans and life in general
5 ) Everyone prays their
istikhaara and , if it turns out good , you pick up the phone and, in one form
or other , say " i ' m on dis ting "
6 ) You ' ll go over to the
potential ' s house once more and perhaps enjoy a less stifled conversation and
get to know each other some more. . . all in the presence of a mahram or
closely monitored supervision ( CCTV and a mic on the girl ' s hijaab should do
the trick)😁
7 ) Pray istikhaara some more
and, if things are still all fine and dandy , exchange a couple of emails
whilst either copying in the girl ' s mahram or at least ensuring things are
being checked out on her side . This will serve to curtail shaytaan ' s
whispers telling you to drop some ' game ' and super sweet lines . Save that
for after marriage , man.
8 ) Pray some more and ,
eventually , you ' ll get married. And the rest, as they say, is history . . .
And I guess the courtship
ends there.
And Allah knows best
Forgive me for my shortfalls
May Allah bless you all
Wa salam alaikum
warahmatullah
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