SEX IN MARRIAGE

Assalaamu alaikum

Question to analys;

Please I have been recently married to a guy but what I was thinking about sex is not what I'm seeing with him. My parents and other elders advised me on my wedding day to submit totally to my husband and I only came with those pieces of advice I received and made my mind that, I will do whatever he asks me to do. Sheikh, can you believe that I have changed my mind from the first night of our marriage and I nearly swore not to ever have sex with him?

I don't know whether it was my fault or it was his, that night was my first time of experiencing sex and I didn't take it easy at all from him.

Did they lie to me that sex is sweet or it was not done well, I don't know?

I felt the pains for about three days and since then, I have never had a desire for sex and sometimes, even think of divorce. Anytime he comes closer to me, I give him fake excuses and Dodge the sex

Please is there something we can do about it because I also want to have children ?

That is my question, may Allah increase you in knowledge

Insha Allah we shall be talking about the subject.   

The husband has to be gentle with his wife if intercourse is painful for her or causes her psychological difficulty. He has to be patient with her until she recovers from her problem or gets used to him and feels at ease with him, and she herself wants it as much as he does.

 

Ibn Hazm said:

Slaves and free women are obliged not to prevent their masters or husbands having intercourse with them when they call them, so long as the woman who is called is not menstruating or sick and will not be harmed by having intercourse, or is observing an obligatory fast.

Al-Muhalla , 10/40.

 

This matter is undoubtedly difficult, especially for one who is recently married, but it is better than causing problems that will wreck married life.

The sister mentions that she loves her husband; he should take note of that and use it to fulfill his desires in a permissible manner.

The wife should also try to treat herself, physically and mentally. She should not give in to the psychological pain or be a prisoner of the past. Her husband is not her evil uncle who abused her when she was small. Now she is a grown up and she is with her husband, and they are permissible for one another.

With regard to the physical pain, this is something natural when one is first married. This pain will soon go away, in shaa Allah. All it needs is a little patience.You should both make a lot of du’aa’ and strive to follow the commands of Allah by regularly performing the obligatory duties, observing the commands of Allah on time and adhering to what He enjoins with regard to dress etc. All of that may be a means of Allah hastening to relieve you and remove whatever psychological and other barriers may be present.

Islam teaches us everything. As to how to eat, dress, etc. Is there also a Sunnah way of sleeping with one's wife? Is any position Sunnah or is there nothing in Saheeh Hadith with regard to this?

Yes, you are right: Islam teaches us all things and has brought all good teaching to mankind concerning their livelihood, religion, living and dying, because it is the religion of Allah, may He be glorified and exalted.

Sexual relations are among the important matters of life which Islam came to explain and to prescribe proper conduct and rulings which elevate it from the level of mere bestial pleasure and physical desire. Islam connects it to a righteous intention, supplications (adhkaar ) and proper conduct which lift it up to the level of worship for which the Muslim will be rewarded. The Sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh) explains this. Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allah have mercy on him) says in his book Zaad al-Ma’aad : “Concerning sexual relations, the Prophet (pbuh) brought the most perfect guidance, whereby health may be preserved and people may find pleasure and enjoyment, and it may fulfill the purpose for which it was created, because sex was created for three basic purposes: The preservation and propagation of the human race, until they reach the number of souls that Allah has decreed should be created in this world.

Expulsion of the water (semen) which may cause harm to the body if it is retained and fulfilling physical desires and enjoying physical pleasure. This alone is the feature that will be present in Paradise, because there will be no producing of offspring there, and no retention which needs to be relieved by ejaculation. The best doctors suggest that sex is one of the means of maintaining good health.

( al-Tibb al-Nabawi , p. 249).

And he (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Among its benefits is that it helps to lower the gaze, brings self-control, enables one to keep away from haraam things, and achieves all of these things for the woman too. It brings benefit to a man with regard to this world and the Hereafter, and benefits the woman too.

Hence the Prophet (pbuh) used to enjoy regular intimate relations with his wives, and he said, “In your world, women and perfume have been made dear to me.” (Narrated by Ahmad, 3/128; al-Nasaa’i, 7/61; classed as saheeh by al-Haakim).

 

And the Prophet (pbuh) said:

“O young men, whoever among you can afford it, let him get married, for it helps him to lower his gaze and protect his chastity. And whoever cannot do that, let him fast, for it will be a protection for him.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 9/92; Muslim, 1400). ( al-Tibb al-Nabawi , 251).

Among the important matters which should be paid attention to when engaging in intimate relations: Having the sincere intention of doing this thing only for the sake of Allah. One should intend to do this to protect oneself and one's wife from doing haraam things, to increase the numbers of the Muslim ummah so as to raise its status, for there is honour and pride in large numbers. It should be known that one will be rewarded for this action, even if he finds immediate pleasure and enjoyment in it. It was reported from Abu Dharr that the Messenger of Allah (pbuh) said: “In the sexual intercourse of any one of you there is reward” (meaning, when he has intercourse with his wife). They said, O Mesenger of Allah, when any one of us fulfils his desire, will he have a reward for that?, He (pbuh) said: “Do you not see that if he were to do it in a haraam manner, he would be punished for that?

So if he does it in a halaal manner, he will be rewarded.” (Narrated by Muslim,720).

This is the great bounty of Allah towards this Ummah; praise be to Allah Who has made us among them. Intercourse should be preceded by kind words, playfulness and kisses. The Prophet (pbuh) used to play with his wives and kiss them.

It baffles me when some say we should not talk about sex when Islam has provided us with a lot of it.Look at how beautifully Islam wants us to know about sex, and again look at how painfully some ignorant people are hurting their wives / husbands in the act

Guys when having intercourse with your wife, try to take your time if not, you will hurt her a lot.

Because sometimes some of the guys don't take their time when having intercourse

Do you know that you can cause some damage to her? Some of our sisters do you know the pains they feel after intercourse? Because when you hurt her, do you know the pains she will go through?

Some guys have a very big manhood.

So for the lady to adapt to the manhood you need to have intercourse for some time before the person will adapt to it. Some too can't adapt to it. Please let's try to take our time when having intercourse.

It will be painful let her know you'll go very slow and gentle you might not find her attractive enough tell her how fantastic she looks in bed you will think less of her afterwards let her know you realize how important this first sexual experience is for her and reassure her that yes, she’s going to lose her virginity but not your respect.

Don't pressure your sweetie into doing something she doesn’t feel comfortable doing; if at any time she becomes uncomfortable, STOP. Even if she initially was all for abandoning her virginity, if she has a change of heart go with it; the more you allow her to be in control, the more she'll trust you. Before soon she'll be ready to have another go.

As you slowly undress her, take your time to explore her body with your hands.

Be tender.

Be loving.

Be kind.

Put her mind at rest, tell her how much you like her beautiful body. Tell her you love her breasts. Tell her she's sexy and exciting, this is something you should do when making love the first time with your wife and especially with a virgin one.

During her first sexual penetration any girl will undoubtedly feel a certain amount of pain; at the very least she’ll feel some discomfort. And, depending on her unique genital anatomy and the positioning of her hymen she may bleed or she may not not all girls do.

But the pain or discomfort can be easily diminished with proper lubrication and using good sex positions for first-time lovemaking, which give optimal body balance and minimize any painful friction.

First-time sex is a high-stress experience for any girl she's going to need your tender guidance and loving encouragement. She needs to feel that she's making love with an experienced guy who can teach her the art of love making; don't disappoint her.

Teach her how to relax into the new sensations.

Show her how to have great sex by giving her feedback when you like something she does. Avoid overreacting, teasing or criticizing if her touching is not as great as you’d hope after all, she's never felt a man’s body before, so she may not be aware of what you like or dislike.

Instead, guide her hand to your pleasure spots showing her what you like. Talk softly to her telling her what you want her to do to you and how you want her to do it. She'll be oh-so-turned-on when you give her directions!.

Keep in mind that your sweetheart is sexually inexperienced; don’t count on getting the most amazing blowjob or on a very passionate love making this first time. As she's exploring the new sensations it is normal for her to be a little passive. Don't let this turn you off because it doesn’t mean at all that she isn't enjoying sex with you; this thought will only make you hesitant, which actually spoils the whole experience for the both of you. Please those guys who go to medicine sellers for big manhood drugs should put a stop to it. It is not advisable at all

Lets try to be grateful for everything Allah has given us

Some of our sisters the non-virgin's stop going to the medicine sellers for them to sell you drugs for virginity. Once you break your virginity you can never have it back. The medicine they'll give you for virginity is fake. Some guys also says when the woman's vagina is small that is when they enjoy sex very much, and the woman to not being a virgin the husband’s penis to is small is in balance so in this case she has to adjust her vagina to help the husband to be happy.

Scientific studies of the size of erect penises consistently show that the average erection is a little more than 5 inches long. Of course, some guys are longer and some shorter. On the long end of things, erect penises longer than about 8 inches long are extremely rare. And, on the shorter end of things, a guy is still considered normal if his erect penis is at least 3 inches long which means your husband is on the lowest side of normal, but, still, normal.

In this case the woman’s vagina becomes a bit opened after birth and for the husband too, the penis is small. Imagine what will happen; no happiness in bed and very dull moment. So she has to firm it small to bring joy and happiness to each other.... At this spot of penetrating you will hear" my love wayeii!!!. Thight "

After intercourse a lady's private part size doesn't increase or decrease. It comes back to it normal type. The vagina naturally changes after giving birth, and might feel wider, dry or sore for some time.

"The vagina can feel looser, softer and more open'," she says. It may also look and feel bruised or swollen. This is normal, and the swelling and openness should start to reduce a few days after your baby is born.

Your vagina will probably not return completely to its pre-birth shape, but this shouldn't be a problem.

May Allah grant us understanding.