THE CONCEPT OF DATING IN ISLAM

THE CONCEPT OF DATING IN ISLAM

All Praises is indeed due to Allah, Subhaa nahuu wata'aalaa, the Lord of the universe and we seek peace and  blessings of Allah to our Noble Prophet Muhammad ( P b u h) his household, his Companions and all those who have really followed him in the righteousness till the day of Resurrection. Ameen

I am very grateful to Allah Almighty for being a member of this noble group, indeed i will say I really thank Allah for giving me this opportunity to share with you the little knowledge I have  on one of the most pressing issues in our society today "Dating in Islam",

 

But before I start I will first greet you by saying: السلام عليكم ورحمةالله وبركاته

Dating as per the definition is a stage of romantic or sexual relationships in humans whereby two or more people meet possibly as friends or with the aim of each assessing the other's suitability as  a prospective partner in a more committed intimate relationship or marriage.

 

This term may also refer to two or more people who have already decided they share romantic or sexual feelings toward each other. These people will have dates on a regular basis, and they may or may not be having sexual relations.

As per the definition, dating is not good and has no place in the heart of a good Muslim. In reality, dating varies from Country to Country and from Suburb to Suburb depending on how they perceive it to be and how they do it but the end of the matter is that it is all dating.

 The reality of the matter is, dating as it is currently practiced in much of the western world today should not be the cake of the Muslim. Young Muslim men and women do not enter into an intimate relationships, spending time alone together, "getting to know each other" in a very intimate way before deciding whether that's the person they will marry.

Dating has really become the Sunnah of today, just forget about marriage koraa, today many young men and women in our senior high schools and even tertiary levels who are not even ready  to marry are all involved in it which has really killed the morality of our youth today. It is such a sad situation we are in now. Many  pregnancy all in the name of dating. May Allah have mercy on u. Ameen

 

Perhaps a person   could ask, why is dating considered haram for a Muslim to engage in❓If we are to look at the shariah of Islam itself, anything that draw a person to sin is prohibited before even that person enter into it and to this effect Allah even warned us in Surat Israah : Do not come closer to Zina and when you look at dating, every angle of it has in it bad effect that would consequently lead a person to sin and so it is haram.

But on a more precise note, why is dating considered haram? Dating is considered haram because of the following which go against the Quran and go against the Sunnah of the Prophet (s a w):

1. Firstly, those dating start their dating process at a time when they're not ready and well prepared to enter into marriage (e.g. female and male students dating secretly or openly while in school). And they are exposed to many temptation which Allah has said in surat israh that do not come closer to zina.  Most of them normally end in disappointment and separation which is against the ethics of Islam and so should be shunned away.

 

2. Those dating usually would meet alone in a secret or a public place and it is actually where most romantic affairs starts. The Prophet ( p b u h) have warned us on that in a hadith saying ( whenever a man and a woman are alone in a place shaytan is the third). He would persuade them to gaze at ease other lustfully which often lead them into sin. Many women have lost their virginity just by visiting her fiancee.  And Allah command us to lower our gaze where He said in surah Nuur 24: 30.

 

3. Those dating normally speaks or express their love in a lustful and soft way that is not accepted in Islam and cause the couples to fall into temptation. Allah ordered the prophet to tell his wives and the believing women to speak in an honourable way as in surah Ahzab 33 :32. But what happen in dating contradict that.

 

4. Those dating usually shake hands with each other which is the initial stage of intimacy and Islam prohibit it by the sayings of the Prophet. (S a w) : ( It is better for one of you to be pierced by a steel pin in his head than to touch the hand of a woman who is not lawful to him). ....And Abu Hurayrah ( r.a) said [The temptation of the hands is fast striking)The shaking hands is a strong weapon used by Satan to let us end in wrong.

 

5. Those dating normally spend the night together and go and execute the shameful act of Zina. Narrated by Abdallah Bun Jaabir, the Prophet said ( Behold, no person should spend the night with a woman, but only in the case he married to her or he is a Mahram (relative)). Most spend the night and fornicate where as the Quran warn us not to come near to zina in Surat Israah (17:32).

 

6, lastly, The love that is being showed to each other in dating is a haram love that come with bad effect since it is a love from outside the Matrimonial home. The real love is the love that exist between husband and wife which is executed in marriage as said in Surah Room (30:21).

 

From the above reasons that goes against the Quran and Sunnah, it is very obvious that dating is never an issue for a Muslim to engage in. It is a dangerous game that come with many effect that effect you even if you marry, so the best thing to do is to stay away from it and opt for marriage as the best option.

The Prophet ( p b u h) encouraged the youth to be haste to marry because that protect you from zina and keep your gaze down. If we are not ready to marry then it is good we engage in more fasting to keep our gaze down. May Allah guide us.Ameen.

 

IN CONCLUSION:

There would no be dating if in fact we seek partner when we are ready to get into marriage. The reality on the ground is mass of us are not ready yet we have seen someone we think we have to propose until may be after school or for a certain period of time we marry them. Some are ready to marry but they give stingy excuse that is not good. Knowing each other as some claim is out of context and as Western kind of dating has it. The Prophet ( s a w) advised us to opt for a good woman and also a pious man. You don't have to be with a person for many years to know his/her behavior. In fact good people are known in the community so when you are ready you will know them and opt for one in sha Allah.

The period that you initiate a talk with a woman you want to marry may be termed as Islamic dating as people might say because it is necessary. But you have to know that engagement or a commitment between a man and a woman to marry has absolutely no legal basis or role in Shariah; unless and until the actual ‘Nikaah’  marriage is performed where in the presence of two witnesses and the guardian of the bride, the groom proposes to marry the woman for a determined amount of ‘Mahr’, and the bride accepts his proposal. Only after the ‘Nikaah’ contract is completed, will the man and the woman be husband and wife.

What I will say is be haste to marry after you have proposed and you have been accepted. Those moment is really a tempting moment so make hay to marry whilst the sun shines. The reality on the ground is a lot of people are in such relationship the good and the bad. Some People have become just like husband and wife as the lady even go and wash and even sleep with him and when you ask they say they are engaged. Allahu Akbar! May Allah guide us. Ameen

In fact the period between proposal and marriage has been questioned in many ways whether it is Engagement period, waiting period, committed period or be throned period but all the same in Islam "An engagement is a promise to marry, or a private agreement with the intention of marriage between a suitable Muslim man and woman via their guardians''.

 

 When the guardians know of your aim and interest to marry does not guarantee it's sanctity but at least you are sure of marrying her but many people are those who claim they are engaged yet the guardians does not know anything about it. So They separate when they feel like doing it. We should be mature enough to let the home know about it as that will even guarantee our love to marriage.

Our people in this part of the world call it Bayiko when you are to go and make your intention know to the guardians of the woman. In fact The period of time between proposal and marriage – which may be lengthy or trivial. During this period, a couple is said to be affianced, betrothed, engaged to be married, or simply engaged.  Allah Subhanahu wa ta'aalaa said in Quran chapter 2, verse 235 which says { And there is no sin on you if you make a hint of betrothal.......}.

When you engage her, it is of good to marry her early to prevent any sin, the more engagement period the more the couple fall into sin. Let us be haste in marrying because dating have a lot of effect even in our marriages. The best relationship which is Halal is marriage. May Allah grant us the means to marry and grant us full understanding.Ameen.

Assalamu alaykum warahmatullah.